Tuesday, October 18, 2016

What's wrong with this picture?

Every morning the sun peeks through my blinds and I crack open one eye, my hand invariably fumbling on the night table for my alarm clock. Of course, I already know the alarm didn't go off, because I can hear my children down the hall squabbling. I crane my head and listen for the sounds of bloodshed, while at the same time wondering why half my body is freezing and the other half is weighted down and sweating like a Turkish bath. It's then I realize the two dogs have somehow wormed their way onto the bed, and have nestled themselves snugly into the space between me and my husband. I'm pinned into place by three snoring bodies, all of whom growl at any attempt I make to move them.

You gotta ask yourself, "What's wrong with this picture?"

If you're anything like me, your ordinary day probably starts in a similar way. Oh, the characters and culprits may vary, but the basic plot remains the same. The same question reverberates from households across the country the minute the gun goes off at the gate.

I get out of bed and stumble into the bathroom, children and dogs close on my heels. It's as if a radar blip has gone off throughout the house, letting everyone know my proximity and that I'm doing something that requires privacy. I can envision mothers universally nodding their heads in solidarity.

There's an unwritten rule somewhere that we're not allowed to pee or chat on the phone or check our email by ourselves. Almost as if they're afraid we'll never come out once we lock the door behind us. My guess is that's closer to the truth than they'd care to admit. I mean, have your kids ever ventured to knock on the bathroom door while their father is sequestered inside? In my house, the roof would have to be on fire first.

The morning has now moved itself into the kitchen. Breakfast has been served and there's a sudden flurry of homework papers and folders in a last minute frenzy before the squeal of the bus is heard down the street. My husband is still upstairs, no doubt on the phone or doing something that requires adult thought, as I glance longingly at my computer and the emails waiting for me from my editor. Dish towel in hand, I wipe stray Cheerios and milk...emails left waiting, my latest deadline on hold and my muse forced to listen to muzak while I'm busy being Mom.

I used to joke with my girlfriends if you asked any successful woman what the difference was between them and a successful man, they'd answer...a wife. That, and of course the pay differential.

So, while my husband conducts business from the minute he steps foot out of bed, I'm left to conduct the business of the house like Toscanini in front of the New York Symphony Orchestra, my own work left waiting in the wings.

The kids rush off and I watch from the porch, a series of their I love you(s) still lingering in the air as they run for the bus. Closing the door behind me, I walk back into the kitchen for another cup of coffee, my eyes passing my office and my still quiet laptop. My husband smiles and winks at me over his own cup of joe, quietly handing me the drawing of our family our eight year old did in school the day before.

What's wrong with this picture?

Not a damn thing.

My inaugural post on my blog Madcap Moms...What's Wrong with this Picture April 10, 2011

14 comments:

  1. I have the same problems with the dogs. But I remember when my kids were little, no privacy ever.

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  2. As a single mom of one 12 yr old son, 2 cats and 1 dog Privacy does not exist - especially since we live in a condo with only 1 bathroom, I choose to embrace these moments since time flies and before I know it my son will be on his way to college and I will be missing those bathroom barge ins.

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  3. Privacy?? Lol...that left along time ago with the word sleep!!

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  4. Privacy?? Lol...that left along time ago with the word sleep!!

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  5. My son has been grown up for a long time, but I recently babysat the G-baby and discovered that going to the bathroom required company.

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  6. Well....I've got a ton of nieces and nephews and privacy is a dream. Well...I have it most of the time. There are times I'm like man I dont envy my sister cause they follow her everywhere! LOL. No shame!

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  7. Sleep? What is this word? I vaguely remember it from before but it has been so very long...

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  8. My kids get mad because occasionally I forget to close the bathroom door and I tell them its their fault because for years I wasnt allowed to even so much as go pee by myself!

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  9. my dogs let me share my bed with them too LOL -- there is definitely nothing wrong with your picture

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  10. That is what it used to sound like when my kids were little. Now they are both in their early thirties...lol. I miss those days!

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  11. It's an interesting conundrum. I think we'll start to see this change... just don't know when

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